While you can complete an amicable divorce with a ton of mutual maturity, most people need a divorce lawyer. Choose less caffeine, less alcohol, less Netflix and less loneliness. So take care of your body, and pay attention to your needs even when you don’t feel like it. Keeping those stress chemicals in your system for a long time is unhealthy. Physicalĭuring divorce, your body switches into fight-or-flight mode and makes tons of adrenaline and cortisol. Either way, let your friends be your friends and lean on professionals for the heavy lifting. You may just need one session, or you may need some deep healing. Especially if you’re coping with major trauma-like domestic or substance abuse, or childhood trauma kicked up by the divorce. But I always recommend meeting with a professional counselor or minister. Sometimes, talking to a trusted family member or friend is fine in a moment of need. Instead of unfairly expecting people to do things they can’t, stick to the expertise they can give in their specific areas.īuild your team to fill these roles: Emotional Your friend is not your attorney (unless they really are an attorney). Second, let each person help in appropriate ways. First, choose people who can support you in different areas-because divorce affects every square inch of your life. These people should have good boundaries, thick skin and your best interests in mind.ĭo two things when choosing your support team. For now, here is the most important thing I’ll say: You cannot do this alone. You need to take care of yourself (more on that soon). But it cannot be your chief coping strategy. Sometimes it’s good to withdraw and feel the dark grief. Some days you want to crawl into bed and never come out. In almost every situation, I want people to save their marriage-to put in the hard work and rebuild a stronger, more beautiful, lasting union.ĭivorce feels lonely and cold. Let’s be clear: I hate that I had to write this article. I’ve put together this divorce checklist to help you care for yourself, your finances and your future. If you commit to small, daily changes-little wins-and connect with others in vulnerable relationships, you will come out stronger. If you’re there now, hear me when I say I’m so sorry. And to make matters worse, you’re left to clean up a legal, emotional, spiritual and financial mess. The picture you had of your life suddenly ends up in ashes. It is a kind of death-the death of a dream, a marriage, your plans. Make no mistake: Divorce is heartbreaking.
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